When we mums get diaper bags, we care not only about how functional it is, but how good it looks – because we’ll be carrying it around all the time! What if I told you that dads are the same?
Older generations of Singaporean dads seem cin cai about fashion, and would probably carry around a pink bag with floral prints without much thought, but the newer generation of dads are paying attention to their fashion and actually try to accessorise accordingly!
Bags with floral prints that come in shades of pastel might match with a similar, lighter hued outfit, but not all dads can pull off that look (or even want to).
We’ve spoken to some daddies in the office and have asked them what they’re looking for in a daddy diaper bag, and here’s what we’ve got: sleek, robust, simple, manly, lots of storage space, fine with either a backpack or a sling-bag, easy-access, and muted or darker colours.
Taking all those points into consideration (and those are a lot!), we’ve put together a list of daddy diaper bags for mummies or friends of daddies to get him as a Father’s Day gift!
Sling / Messenger Diaper Bags
Diaper Dude, MENS MESSENGER | BLACK
Functional and huge, this messenger bag is designed for dads who want to carry something that looks stylish, sporty, and cool. It comes with a whole bunch of useful features that dad’ll love:
One thing that dads will be thankful for are the wider than usual shoulder straps that come with padding – they usually have broader shoulders than us ladies, so a wider strap won’t dig into them and make them feel uncomfortable. The zippers that come on this bag are equally robust and can definitely take rougher handling.
The three pouches at the front let dad easily grab items that are put inside – wet wipes, cream, snacks (for both baby and dad) – without the need to remove the bag from their shoulders.
For more info on Diaper Dude’s Mens Messenger Diaper Bag, check them out here.
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Skip Hop, Duo Signature Diaper Bag | Slate Grey
For a smaller, but more stylish sling bag, look no further than Skip Hop! Their diaper bag comes with textured fabric in versatile neutral hues, and offers iconic style and organization. The multitasking design features side bottle pockets, multiple zippered compartments and an easy-access tech pocket, so there’s a place for everything. The roomy main compartment zips closed and holds laptops up to 15 inches. Use the shoulder strap, grab the tote handles, or attach the bag to your stroller with the included shuttle clips.
Here are its key features:
For more info on Skip Hop’s Duo Signature Diaper Bag, head here.
Pregnancy and Baby Singapore provides you with the latest news and practical tips to help you in your parenting journey. For more tips on your pregnancy and baby in Singapore, subscribe to our mailing list and like us on Facebook, to receive new articles for mummies like you every week!
Backpack Diaper Bags
Backpacks might not be as stylish as a sling bag, but the practicality of them are unmatched. One thing that dads have told us is that backpacks are actually a lot better for their backs – as they give proper support and weight distribution.
13Thirteen Diaper Backpack – Classic Black
We’re giving some love to a Singaporean brand, 13Thirteen (pronounced ‘thirteen thirteen’)! Designed and made by Singaporean parents for Singaporean parents, this backpack is definitely multi-functional. It’s made of a lightweight yet durable material, and is really large and spacious – it can moonlight as a travel backpack when not being used as a diaper bag!
We Singaporeans are also a fussy lot, always wanting maximum comfort; 13Thirteen’s backpack ensures that the comfort we seek while carrying baby’s stuff around is maximised.
Here are its key features:
For more info on 13Thirteen’s Diaper Backpack and their other items, check them out here.
Pregnancy and Baby Singapore provides you with the latest news and practical tips to help you in your parenting journey. For more tips on your pregnancy and baby in Singapore, subscribe to our mailing list and like us on Facebook, to receive new articles for mummies like you every week!
DadGear, Backpack Diaper Bag – Original
The DadGear Backpack Diaper Bag has extra-large capacity and 13 specially-designed organization compartments for storing diapers, wipes, up to 4 bottles, changing pad, clothing, toys, mom or dad’s keys and cell phone, and more. Excellent for traveling, and a highly dependable carry-all from newborn through toddler years. Includes integrated stroller straps and washable changing pad.
Here are its additional key features:
For more info on DadGear’s Backpack Diaper Bag, head down here.
Pregnancy and Baby Singapore provides you with the latest news and practical tips to help you in your parenting journey. For more tips on your pregnancy and baby in Singapore, subscribe to our mailing list and like us on Facebook, to receive new articles for mummies like you every week!
It’s that time of the year again, to show extra appreciation for the superwomen in our lives – our mums. Mother’s Day falls on the 13th of May this year, and we’ve got a list of items and experiences for you to choose from for that (hopefully not) last minute gift. Remember, if you’re a mum, treating yourself is perfectly valid too!
1. Sweet Spa Pampering
Who doesn’t love a spa where you’ll be pampered throughout the experience, and then come out of it looking even more beautiful, glowing, and around 5 – 10 years younger?! Mums out there will love this wonderful experience.
Estheva Spa is offering a Mother’s Day Promotion that lasts until 30th May, 2018, so you’ve got the entire month to surprise her! Find out more about their promotion here!
But if you’re looking to give them a bit more of a personal, homey touch, look no further than The Outcall Spa – it’s a mobile spa that brings the spa to your home, all at your convenience. Experience a professional mani-pedi and/or a home massage in the comfort of your own home! Find out more about their services here.
2. Relaxing Scents
More pampering goodness for mums out there! Just imagine having the home smelling like a fresh garden the moment you step into it – aromatherapy is a thing! She’ll feel more relaxed while she’s home, and a happy mum is a happy family!
Here are some choices for scented candles that you can take a look at:
Jo Malone’s premium variety of candles and colognes will have something for everyone – be it light or musky.
Hush Candle has a cute Mother’s Day special that also includes a beauty workshop on the 12th of May, just in time for her day!
Yankee Candle could be another candle consideration for you! Their lower prices means a wider variety of scents for mum to try out.
3. High Tea or Buffet, Anyone?
Food, it’s the one confirmed thing that brings us together, and what better way to celebrate Mother’s day than to take mum out for a decadently delicious feast? Here’s a selection of only the best and yummiest buffets and high teas for only the best women in your life.
Marriot Café offers a buffet with a spread of oysters, Boston lobsters, roast prime rib or beef, bourbon & honey glazed ham, lobster spicy thermidor style, and much more!
The Marmalade Pantry is a Singaporean bistro that features sandwiches, scones, cupcakes and tea – best of all, they’re located at ION Orchard, so it’s great to rest your legs from all that shopping you did with mum.
For a different ambience, check POLLEN out – they’re a restaurant that’s within the Flower Dome at Gardens By The Bay that serves up a wicked high tea menu for Mother’s Day. They’ve got chicken and mushroom tarts, egg and watercress sandwiches, mandarin choux, macarons, earl grey lemon cake, white chocolate scones, and a choice of 8 teas and 7 coffees!
4. Massages at Any Time
Add on to the spa pampering with massages that mum can get at the snap of her matriarchal fingers, but you don’t have to ketok her shoulders, unless you want to! Leave the hard work to machines using the power of pulse massagers.
Pulse massagers can massage any part of the body through the use of reusable stick-on pads – simply apply them to where you want to massage, select the correct mode on the device, and enjoy! These devices are usually small, portable, and battery-powered, and send pulsed electrical stimulus to the nerves to relieve pain and improve blood circulation.
First up we have a pulse massager from OSIM, the uGoGo Pulse Massager. It’s got all the standard massage areas and functions, plus it allows you to synchronise your music to the massage you’re getting!
For something simpler to use but still gets the job done, look no further than Omron’s Electronic Pulse Massager HV-F021. It’s got only a few buttons to press and will prove to be much easier for less tech savvy mums to use! Plus it’s also more budget friendly than OSIM.
Pregnancy and Baby Singapore provides you with the latest news and practical tips to help you in your parenting journey. For more tips on your pregnancy and baby in Singapore, subscribe to our mailing list and like us on Facebook, to receive new articles for mummies like you every week!
Little one is running a fever and can’t attend childcare. It’s raining and you left your umbrella in the super market last week and you keep forgetting to get a new one. The baby is crying, your toddler has five shoes (none of them matching, all of them for his left foot) and calls from work have been going off the hook.
And it’s only 9:14 a.m.
And while none of these things reach crisis-level per se—you are on the very real verge of mom burnout.
We have all been there.
The truth is that being a mom today is HARD. Many of us live away from family, our schedules are packed full, and truthfully, life can just be overwhelming some days.
It’s not that you don’t love your family—of course you do. I know you’re grateful for them every day. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy. That tired feeling sits heavy on your bones. And there are many moments when you feel so close to burnout.
But take heart, mama. There are ways to fight it. By being intentional with your efforts, you can find ways to not only survive, but THRIVE.
1. Make sleep a priority
When moms get busy, sleep is usually the first thing to go, either because we’re using the time to get stuff done or simply to have a few moments of peace to catch up on Netflix...alone...on the couch (aka in Heaven.) But research proves again and again just how vital sleep is to our well being and overall mood. So go to bed early tonight, mama. Because...science 😉.
2. Find your oohhhmm
Whether through yoga, meditation or mindfulness, actively incorporating peaceful practices into your routine will help you feel centred and balanced as you go through the day.
3. Eat well
(Says the mom who ate the crust off her kids’ school lunch for breakfast this morning 🙎🏼.)
It’s way easier said that done, but seriously, eating well is so important. Your body is a temple. Treat it as such! A well-fuelled body will work better and keep you more energized through your busy, busy day.
4. Call the girls
You know that friend that makes you “ugly laugh?” Like, head back, tears streaming down your face, snorting because you’re laughing so hard? (PS: You’re actually not ugly when you laugh like that at all, you’re adorable.) Call her. Whether it’s a phone call, FaceTime or a night out, your girl-tribe will breathe so much life into you.
5. Say no
You wear so many hats and it is utterly exhausting. With every “Will you/could you?” you receive, ask yourself three questions — Do I need to do this? Do I want to do this? Does this give me energy?
If you can’t answer yes to any of those questions, the answer to the request is no. ❌
6. Ask for help
This job is simply too hard to do alone. You are already Super Woman, so go ahead and ask for help when you need it. Hire someone to help with cleaning, if you’re able to. Or get mums or in-laws help, I’m sure they’d love the extra grandchild-bonding sesh.
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7. Connect with nature
Nothing helps you feel grounded like...well...touching the ground! So, go outside and breathe in some fresh, clean air. Take your shoes off and get back to your roots. Whether it’s a hike in the woods, a trip to the beach, or a simple walk around the block—being outside can be incredibly therapeutic 🌳.
8. Trust your intuition when you make decisions
Our days are full of decision making. From deciding if your kid can wear his Batman costume to school (again) and figuring out what’s for dinner, to deciding how you want your career to look now that you’re a mom—you are CONSTANTLY making calls (for yourself and for other people.) And it’s tiring! Decision fatigue is a very real thing. Try not to agonize over every single choice you have to make. It’s never going to be perfect. Let your intuition be your guiding light—it won’t steer you wrong.
9. Schedule a date night
Let’s face it—piles of dirty laundry, Cheerios sprinkled on the floor and Daniel Tiger do not set the scene for romance. But staying connected to your partner is very necessary. Your dates don’t have to be fancy—sipping a glass of wine and sitting together on the front step is more than enough!
10. Move your body
Do whatever you love to do you get your blood pumping—go for a run, dance, swim, find a rock climbing wall...whatever floats your boat! Exercising will help fight fatigue and gives you more energy. 💃
11. Treat yourself
When was the last time you bought yourself something? (No, diapers and wet wipes don’t count.) While spending money isn’t always an option, consider treating yourself to something occasionally—even if it’s very small. A delicious piece of chocolate, a new book, a manicure...you SO deserve it.
12. Do something "unproductive"
Not everything in your day has to be something from your to-do list. It’s OK (and actually encouraged) for to you do something just because it’s fun. Spending time unwinding will allow you to feel more energized when you are tackling that to-do list, which will in turn help you knock those tasks out faster—and for that reason, the “unproductive” things may actually be way more “productive” than you think!
13. Make a list
I am one those “I have lists of my lists” people. And while that’s probably a little too much, I have learned that lists really help me. Lists help me remember stuff of course, but they also help me to clear my mind and stay calm—once I write something down, I can get it out of my brain until I am ready to turn my attention back to it. ✍️
Every morning, I decide what the top three things I want to do that day are. I’ll often say, “What three things will feel the best to cross off my list?” It helps me to feel more in control of my day, and less intimidated by how daunting it all seems. And on a related note...
14. Focus on what you do accomplish
Our to-do lists are never ending and it’s so easy to feel overwhelmed by all the stuff we didn’t get to do. But every evening try to take a few moments to reflect on what you did do. You’ll amaze yourself with how much you actually rock it each and every day 🔥.
15. Set up a system of sharing responsibilities
The mental load of motherhood is the REAL DEAL. Our brains are constantly swirling with ALL THE THINGS which quickly translates to burnout. But it doesn’t have to be like that. Your partner wants to help you—sometimes they just don’t know how. Set up a shared Google Calendar or iCal, so you can BOTH see what’s going on for the week. Divide up household responsibilities in a way the feels fair to both of you.
16. Schedule you-time
Sure, having “me time” sounds wonderful, but how can you actually do it? So often we push ourselves to the bottom of the list, and before we know it another day has gone by with no time for you. I URGE you to prioritize yourself, and stick to it. Physically write some you-time into your schedule for the day (with a pen, not a pencil) and follow through, guilt-free—because happier moms make happier kids. 😉
You’ve got this, mama. Promise.
Article appeared on Motherly, written by Diana Spalding
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Photo credit: Shutterstock
We all dread grocery shopping, but FairPrice Online is a website that seeks to help parents out with that.
1. A Lack Of Time
Photo credit: iStock
One of the most precious things that we have a limited amount to give out is time. It’s something that we’re placing a lot more value in, especially in our fast-paced Singaporean society!
The majority of us will work until 6pm every weekday, and once we’re done, we’ll grab our kids from childcare and then head home afterwards.
Depending on where your childcare is, you should reach home at around 7pm to 7:30pm. After that it’s usually dinnertime, then spending some quality time with your family, and finally heading to bed after that.
If our schedules are structured that way, the only time where we’ll be free to do grocery shopping is over the weekend!
FairPrice Online Solution: If only there was a way to help you save your precious time… oh wait, there is!
We all know about NTUC FairPrice; we’ve probably grown up alongside them and went shopping there with our parents when we were kids too. They, too, have changed and grown up alongside us as shopping with them now is not just limited to walking down to their outlets!
They’ve seen and understood the problems and issues that we parents are facing – time is important, and the more time we’re able to free up, the happier we’ll be!
We’re now able to shop online with FairPrice, and they deliver straight to our doorstep.
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2. Crazy Queues
Photo credit: Rubberball
Since weekends are usually the only times when we’re free to buy groceries, we can expect the same for other parents too! No matter what time we go to the supermarket, it’ll be insanely crowded, which means the queues to pay for our stuff will be pretty crazy too.
Long queues tie in to our first point, where we’re already fighting against time and are trying to maximise what little time we have to spend on other things that are more fruitful. Pretty sure that we can agree that spending around 10 – 15 minutes waiting in line with a trolley stuffed to the brim, and tired and cranky kids doesn’t sound that fruitful!
FairPrice Online Solution: No queues await you online, and you’ll be saving a ton of time and sanity when you don’t have to wait forever to pay for your items!
For those who stay within walking distance of a FairPrice outlet and choose not to use their home delivery, you can always do their Click & Collect option with orders totalling $29 and above, where you order the items online and choose your preferred date, time, and store to collect them at!
Cutting out 40 mins of grocery shopping per week means we’ll be saving slightly more than 2.5 hours per month. When you look at it for the whole year, it’s a whopping 32 hours! That’s more than an entire day!
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3. Lugging Bulky Items Home
Photo credit: iStock
After we’ve bought our groceries and baby essentials, the next part of our journey is transporting our haul back home! For the lucky few who live right above a supermarket, it’s not that difficult or tiring, but for the rest of us who either needs to take a car back, walk a distance, or take public transport back home, it’s more time and energy that’s spent.
Lugging a bunch of diapers and formulas, in addition to veggies, canned food, fruits, meat, washing detergent, and anything else that you’ve bought back home can be compared to doing some heavy lifting in the gym!
FairPrice Online Solution: As mentioned before, FairPrice Online does home delivery too, and it’s free of charge with orders totalling $59 and above, and trust me, you’ll definitely hit that amount when you’re ordering for a week or two of groceries.
What’s more, you can specify the date and time for them to come by your home and deliver your items. It’s all about convenience for us parents!
Just think about it – we won’t need to spend time travelling to-and-fro, which frees up our precious time, and for those of us who drive, save a bit more on petrol. All these small gains add up the more we do it!
Best of all, no more lugging heavy and bulky grocery bags back home!
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4. Savings
Photo credit: Shutterstock
One thing I realised when grocery shopping is that it’s quite hard to find items which are discounted or on sale. Baby essentials are rather expensive and we’re always on the lookout for a good deal when it comes to them, and the easier it is to get to them, the better!
FairPrice Online Solution: For you parents who’re looking for some great deals on essential baby items, look no further than Fairprice Online! They’ve got over 30 baby brands for you to choose from on their website, so all your needs will be well covered.
They’ve got quite a few sales going on for baby essentials and other products, and they’re all easily found on their site – with deals of up to 80% off on selected items!
Currently, they’ve got an Online Baby Fair from 1 to 14 March 2018 and here are examples of the deals they’ve got for us:
To see their whole list of deals, visit their website here.
FairPrice Online Babymoji Contest!
Coinciding with their Online Baby Fair, they’re giving away $100 worth of Shopping Credits to 3 winners which will run from now till 14 March! Check out the contest details here.
Article sponsored by FairPrice Online.
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A funny thing happens when you announce your pregnancy. You become very popular – everyone wants to talk to you, give you advice and sometimes get a bit too up close and personal with your belly.
And while there are many things to love about being pregnant, there are certain annoyances everyone who’s ever been a mum-to-be will recognise. A survey by UK supermarket giant Asda has revealed women’s nine top pregnancy and new mum gripes. Do it sound familiar?
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Article was posted on Babyology, written by Michelle Rose
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Now that the little one is not so little anymore, do you miss the days where you can hold her snuggly in your arms, the smell of milk on her head? Newborn frustrations, breastfeeding pains, night regressions, are you prepared to start all over again?
Here are the most common signs that shows that you’re ready!
You’ve finally got a routine in place
Coming to terms of having a new additional to the new takes time – lots of it. Even if you’re already a parent of many, having a new baby around is entirely different and drains so much from you all the time.
Then suddenly you’ve got it all in place (not perfect, but at least it works for you) and finally you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. You have the time to hang out with the girls after work, taking care of baby alone by yourself if not so frightening anymore, in fact, it’s second nature now.
Baby has started sleeping through the night
There’s nothing more draining than nights of interrupted sleep. Even if they haven’t, your memories of broken sleep are replaced with sweet recollections of their peaceful sleeping moments. And, pictures of them snoozing away makes you miss their tiny days. You’re ready!
Pregnant women make you envious
‘Do you miss being pregnant?’ If this question was asked one month after giving birth, you’ll probably thinking ‘no wayyyy!’. But now you think of how amazing it is to be creating a new life. So, if seeing other pregnant ladies flaunt their bump makes you long for your own, it’s time to start working on it! Also, if you suddenly feel that everyone around you is getting pregnant, it’s a pretty clear indicator.
You’re going through your baby’s picture.. all the time
Nothing tugs on your ovaries quite like pictures of your baby as a newborn. The time went by so quick! It makes you feel fluttery and warm inside that you really wish you can relive that moment once again.
You’re drawn to other babies
The cutest of babies can attract our attention, even if they are not ours. You find yourself spending time scrolling through friends baby’s pictures on Instagram or playing with babies you meet in the supermarket, you’re definitely ready!
Image credit: iStock
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The expectation is that you’ll both be immersed in a delightful and cosy baby bubble, snuggling your tot and beaming at each other across the breakfast table. The reality is you’ve got a sneaky newborn spew down your back, seven rice bubbles in your hair and a very unsympathetic and now strangely monstrous partner who is frankly lazy AND mean AND must be stopped.
Okay, we’re exaggerating, but we wanted to talk about some very common relationship snags and solutions – and to let you know that you’re in good company with these six upsetting pressure points.
1. Your sleep
BEFORE you have a baby, you hear talk of the sleep deprivation, but you're fairly certain that a) you are prepared to tough it out and keep a smile on your face or b) YOUR baby will not be THAT kind of baby.
AFTER your baby arrives you not only are dead certain that your baby IS THAT KIND OF BABY, you also know that your partner is getting WAY more shut-eye than you and they must pay the price in snotty stares and exhausted shrieks - at least every now and then.
Part of parenting is ensuring everyone's needs and health are considered, so find some time to talk about this when you're not quite so distraught - and listen to one another kindly and take steps to provide some temporary relief, whatever you think the reality is.
2. Your baby’s sleep
Not only is your sleep a bone of contention, your baby's sleep will be too. You'll go back and forth with your partner hotly debating who overstimulated or mis-swaddled or breathed too loudly near your wakeful tot.
Your mutual exhaustion can take this blame game to a whole other DEFCON level with many slammed doors and pillow forcefields springing up in bed between you.
Babies do sleep in fits and starts during that first year. Avoid pointing the finger at one another and try to spot - and repeat - the circumstances that create sleep success, instead
3. Workload
Who is doing more? Whether you're sharing the parenting and out-of-home work evenly or it's split in a stay-home parent and out-to-work parent way, we can guarantee that rumblings about who is more overwhelmed will spill over into cross words and wild eyed accusations.
THIS. IS. NORMAL. (And also upsetting, obviously. Hugs to you both). If you can't get to the bottom of this problem, try chatting to a counsellor about your respective responsibilities and feelings of overwhelm, and see if the three of you can troubleshoot a fix to what is often a logistical glitch.
4. Intimacy
Crippling fatigue coupled with the physical effects of birthing a human - and possibly breastfeeding - can make coupling-up as enticing as accidentally grating your fingertips into that Mac and Cheese you WISH you had the energy to make.
A respectful approach - and plenty of communication can help you to understand one another's feelings and keep the balance in check.
Note that coercing your partner or deliberately making them feel guilty is NOT the best way forward
5. Money
Money. Ugh. Is there ever enough? I think the answer is no.
Combine one half of a couple being out of the workforce with the cost of all the cute baby things you need and you are guaranteed to a) not have enough and b) possibly accuse your partner of having a secret Swiss bank account because WHERE IS ALL THE MONEY GOING?!
Aside from earning more money, you can also get more of a handle on the money you have. Try connecting your bank account to an app like PocketBook to see what's going where and budget better. Meal planning and fewer visits to the shops are also excellent ways to make what you have go further - and avoid these fights.
6. Parenting techniques
There are eleventh billion websites and books which will helpfully tell you how to raise your kiddo.
Couple that with ideas from family and friends and people you meet on the bus and it's fair to say that each parent will be exposed to a tonne of different ideas on "how to baby" In an attempt to better parent, they may then bring those ideas home.
This can disrupt the status quo, feel like a criticism AND spark some very upsetting arguments. Go carefully with each other - and your baby - and discuss ideas on raising your baby together to see if you a) agree and b) can strike some middle ground if you don't.
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Congratulations! Your baby, who you have been dreaming for months about, is finally here. Now that you have survived pregnancy and labour, it is time to start a new chapter in life—motherhood. Bringing a new baby home can be quite intimidating, more so for new mums; that tiny, fragile being will be totally dependent on you so the need to be well equipped with baby knowledge is crucial before the hands-on work.
To help ease your transition into motherhood, we have compiled a list of need-to-knows to care for baby as well as yourself in those upcoming weeks. Let us get started!
Skin-to-Skin contact (aka kangaroo care)
Your baby’s first point of contact should be you. Skin-to-skin contact is when your baby is placed naked on your chest right after birth. Studies have shown that this first touch not only helps mother and baby bond, but also helps the baby recognise your unique scent and the feel of your skin. Routine checks such as height, weight and counting of fingers and toes can wait—so you and your husband can enjoy this first moment of parenthood.
Feeding
Babies are born with a strong instinct to suckle and will be happy to be put at the breast right after birth. If you intend to breastfeed, make it known to your doctor and nurses not to offer anything in a bottle which can lead to nipple confusion. If your milk supply has not kicked in, try squeezing the colostrum into your baby’s mouth.
For the first three months, it is important to nurse your baby whenever he/she wants. Scheduling a feeding timetable too early can interrupt your baby’s growth, especially when he/she is going through a growth spurt.
Sleep
Be ready to sacrifice your sleep because your baby is going to need you, all through the night! Unlike adults, a baby’s sleep cycle will last about an hour or so. And because babies have very small stomachs, they will wake up to be fed every two to three hours or require a change of diaper, meaning you will be inevitably scheduled for night duties. Caring for a newborn can be extremely tiring so when help is offered, take it! Take some time alone to catch up on sleep or have a relaxing shower to gather your thoughts.
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Mood Swings
Your hormones are all over the place. You may feel really, really sad one moment yet jump at your husband’s throat for not giving you the right water temperature. When everyone else but you has gone back to their daily routine, a wave of loneliness and depression seems to engulf you. Don’t worry! These drastic emotions are normal and every mother, including second time mums, will undergo this rollercoaster phase. Just take it as your P.M.S being set on overdrive.
It is important to talk to someone about these feelings. Your husband is your best form of support. You can also talk to other new mums or a close friend. Mood swings and baby blues, if not managed well, can lead to severe post-natal depression and could pose a threat to you and baby. Should you experience extreme negativity, seek professional help immediately.
Post-baby Image
Your tummy grew over nine months so do not expect baby belly to vanish overnight. Those pinkish stretch marks could be here and to stay. Your breasts will now be sore and dripping with milk. It’s hard to feel sexy but embrace your new and just-as-gorgeous state of femininity. Learn to give your body some time to recover. If your self-esteem is at an all-time low, remember that a miracle has happened. You created and sustained life inside of you and the best nourishment your baby can have comes from you. You are more beautiful than you think.
Toilet Visits
Whether you had an episiotomy or perineal tear, visiting the loo will be one of your initial fears. Many mothers wince at the idea of their first visit to the loo but honestly, the thought is more painful than the deed; what’s more, the stitches are meant to dissolve naturally over time and it is almost unheard of for them to come apart (even with the bearing down that comes with taking a poop). If you are really nervous, try taking lots of fibre to help soften your stools so that you can minimise straining. Instead of wiping, pour warm water over your private areas and dab gently with extra soft toilet paper (remember to wipe from front to back).
Limit Visitors
Everyone it seems, from grandparents and extended family, to friends and casual acquaintances, will be eager to see your newborn. When you are exhausted, dishevelled and overwhelmed with motherhood, the last thing you feel up to is entertaining visitors. Family and friends should respect and understand your simple request of arranging for another visiting date, and at your convenience, only after you and baby have had enough rest and time to settle down. Sometimes, however, the unexpected visitor must be accommodated and should that happen, instead of getting annoyed, try and be a gracious host by allowing them to coo over baby while you recharge with a bottle of recuperative chicken essence.
It is also a good practice to limit visitors, especially during the early weeks. Newborns are still building up their natural immunity and that’s precisely the reason why contact with the outside world is minimised. Try to reduce your newborn’s contact with other children as they may be carrying germs from school or play areas. Practicing personal hygiene is vital—get visitors to wash their hands first before touching your baby. When they leave, you can wash your baby’s hands with mild soap and rinse off or use baby wipes. A sick baby adds more pressure to a fatigue mother so adopt preventative measures from the start and incorporate these into your regular and daily lifestyle until they become habitual practices.
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Dads, do yourself a favour and start seeing yourself in a good – or at least, better – light!
“Although fatherhood does not get the same attention as motherhood, the reality is that fathers are vital to their children’s well-being and emotional development,” writes author and ordained minister Victor M. Parachin. In light of that simple truth, we’re celebrating fathers every day, not just on Father’s Day! First of all, we believe that all dads should scrap all the various cultural myths they’ve ever encountered about fathering – that men are biologically unfit, that men are not nurturing or in touch with their children or themselves, or that men are the less important parent as compared to mothers!
If any of those sweeping statements have struck a chord in you, then it’s high time that you gain a broader perspective about what it really means to be a modern-day father. Granted, some of these stereotypes have stuck around for ages and shaking them off overnight won’t be automatic or necessarily easy. But we do encourage you to at least thoroughly consider the contrary arguments to these negative associations about fathers.
“Men who are strong fathers take the initiative and assume their proper role in childrearing responsibilities,” adds Parachin. “When done properly, a good father can emerge as his child’s confidant, friend, mentor, counsellor, life-coach and role model.” If you’re up to fulfil any (or even all of!) those roles, then welcome to one of the most rewarding and fulfilling journeys a man can ever experience in his life… Fatherhood!
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Myth #1: Men should leave parenting to women and focus on their careers.
The stereotype of men being the sole and main breadwinner in the family still exists. In fact, this perception persists to this very day, where a man’s success in life is defined by his career more than anything else. Previously, a stay-at-home dad would be unthinkable, with society frowning upon his sense of worth and self-esteem, judging him almost unanimously as having failed in his career. However, according to a recent Forbes article, men are now finding the courage to shift their priorities, with more fathers choosing to reverse roles and care for their children at home while their wives concentrate on their careers instead. “We are at the beginning of an epic shift in cultural norms. More men are finding parenthood meaningful and that is raising the status of fathers,” says Harlan Landes, the founder of Adulting.tv, a podcast and video series about living a capable and fulfilling life. “Some men are trading career advancement for time with their family because they value the fulfilment they find in fatherhood, not because they can’t hack it in the job market. More men than ever feel that being a good father is a significant accomplishment in life,” adds Landes.
Still not convinced? Here’s what Dr. Kyle Pruett, M.D., and a child psychiatrist at Yale University, has to say about the issue. Dr. Pruett advises men to “think long, hard, and often about what you want to give your children besides your money.” Rather, fatherhood goes beyond bringing home the bacon and it has irreplaceable value. “Acknowledge fatherhood as one of the longest, most creative and rewarding adventures of your inner life,” says Dr. Pruett.
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Myth #2: Parenting comes naturally only to mothers.
Most men feel that Mother Nature will prime their significant other to be ready for baby when it arrives, since the mother is the one undergoing pregnancy, giving birth and having the stronger surge of hormones overall. They may also feel that they have less opportunity to bond with their newborn as paternity leave is usually much shorter and the mother is also the one who is breastfeeding and more hands-on. As such, men might mistakenly believe that they do not to need to get involved this early in their child’s life as they feel awkward and even unnatural. However, neuroscientists have found that men do undergo hormonal changes which makes them more mentally alert and prepared in the face of impending fatherhood. While men and women may bond with their offspring in different ways, the fundamental importance is that investing in time and effort can make a world of difference in an infant’s life. This applies to both mums and dads (there is a reason why childbirth classes require fathers’ attendance too).
In their book, Throwaway Dads: The Myths and Barriers That Keep Men from Being the Fathers They Want to Be, authors Ross D. Parke and Armin A. Brott offer this advice: “Don’t assume that your partner magically knows more than you do. Whatever she knows about raising kids, she learned by doing – just like anything else. And the way you’re going to get better is by doing things too.”
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Myth #3: Fathers shouldn’t play rough with their kids.
A little rough and tumble play never hurt, with the University of Newcastle in Australia highlighting how rough play between fathers and their young children can actually help the child’s brain. Meanwhile, Henry Biller, Ph.D., professor of clinical psychology at the University of Rhode Island, observed that when playing with babies, fathers tend to be more physically active with them than their mothers are, and try to engage their infants in more vigorous play. Dr. Biller, however, sees this difference as beneficial: “Involved fathers are more likely to stimulate the infant to explore and investigate new objects whereas mothers tend to engage their infants in relatively pre-structured and predictable activities,” he highlighted. He went on to note that infants with involved fathers usually form strong paternal attachments at an early age, and usually have a developmental advantage when compared with babies who were only close to their mothers. “Well-fathered infants are more secure and trusting in branching out in their explorations, and they may be somewhat more advanced in crawling, climbing and manipulating objects,” concluded Dr. Biller.
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Myth #4: Fathers are unable to relate to daughters.
While some cultures, especially Asian ones, place particular emphasis on having sons to continue the family surname, it does not necessarily translate to fathers preferring sons to daughters. Marriage and family counsellor Michael Gurian admits that it can be a paradox: while he identifies a father’s “most difficult challenge” as being able to bond with his daughter, he also highlights that “a father’s love can make or break a girl”. Paediatrician Dr. Meg Meeker also debunks the notion some fathers may have that their daughters will gravitate towards their mothers as they have more in common. According to Dr. Meeker, girls who are close to their fathers exhibit less anxiety, are more assertive and less likely to seek attention from the opposite gender as they grow older. A father’s enduring love and support is integral to their daughter’s success, as testified by Emmy award-winning medical journalist Dr. Prerna Mona Khanna, who is certified in not one, but three medical specialties in the US. Despite having two other sisters and a brother, Dr. Mona credits her father for his foresight and lack of gender preference that enabled her and her siblings to thrive in life with equal opportunity. “My dad knew if he stayed in India, we were destined to get married and have kids and not really make much of ourselves professionally,” she remembers. She adds that her father’s love gave her a “sense of empowerment. It was very important to my father that his children be well-settled, be self-sufficient, and be in a career that was noble.” Today, her brother and sister are Chicago-based physicians and another sister works in administration for a hospital in Los Angeles.
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Myth #5: Your husband and son emulate their own fathers.
All’s fine and dandy with this assumption if fathers across generations have always proved to be good role models and a steadfast presence throughout their children’s lives. But the reality is such that less-than-exemplary fathers do exist in society – from the absent to the abusive. Labels don’t help, but to some extent, all men are influenced by the fathers – or father figures in their lives – in varying degrees, and there’s no denying that.
“Look hard at your father in you,” says Dr. Pruett (quoted in myth #1). “He’s there. Understand what you are doing with your father’s parenting style in the raising of your own child – modelling, overcoming, repairing, emulating? – or a quilt of all of these.” However, psychotherapist and counsellor Dr. Bruce Linton, Ph.D., stresses that simply relying on the understanding of one’s own father can be limiting for dads-to-be or fathers with children. He suggests that fathers form their own support networks to share and talk about this life transition. “They can begin to explore within themselves and in the world at large for the kinds of behaviour and family life they would like to provide for their own children,” says Dr. Linton. Just like how there is no such thing as a perfect parent, fathers should acknowledge there is no singular formula in being a good father either. Fatherhood is a role that will constantly evolve as your family grows, and it certainly helps if dads see themselves as partners instead of mere helpers when it comes to raising their children.
Understanding what it means to be a father is a very personal journey for each and every man. Each father, in his own way, must dig deep and discover what kind of father he wants to be for his children. Accepting this and being truthful with his own emotions and expectations will certainly help him breathe easier, and any preconceptions or comparisons will only serve to stifle him as he strives towards coming into his own as a full-fledged father.
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